here's to us
by Silverflare07
Summary: Sometimes the thing we've always wanted changes. And if you're lucky, you'll figure it out before it's too late. Logan receives his once in a lifetime opportunity and they just wouldn't be his best friends if they didn't make sure he took it. Kogan.


I was trying to figure out a way to explain my love for these boys to you, but then I realized you're part of fandom, same as me, so clearly it doesn't need to be explained. You just _get it_. So, thank you for that.

This is the result of thinking that it would adorable if Carlos gave one of the boys, who was leaving, his helmet, because I just really think they're entire friendship is amazing. They are the quintessential bromance, all four of them, and my heart always melts at it. This was supposed to be a Kogan one-shot, and in a way, it still very much is. But it also snowballed out of my control and became a OT4 (is that what you use to describe all of them together being awesome?). It's not a romantic OT4 (although I'm not sure if OT4 is supposed to express romance or just bromance) but either way.

Enjoy, oh and it might be a little bit sad. I apologize in advance if it is. Also, do not listen to _Worldwide_ while you read this. Trust me, it makes it worse. The sadness that is.

**Important! **So, I'm not sure if this is going to reappear as newly updated story or in anyone's inbox if they have me on author alert. But if it does, I just want to say that nothing has changed. This is still a oneshot and it's still exactly like it was before. I just went through and fixed some typos that were bugging the hell out of me. That's all.

* * *

><p>Logan stares at the paper in front of him, his hands shaking and his entire body numb from shock. There is no way that this can possibly be happening. He hadn't even applied for god's sake! This has to be a mistake, a typo in the mailing address, because, honestly, universities don't just send you acceptance letters when you haven't even applied in the first place.<p>

Especially not Trinity University, one of the top medical schools in the world.

And yet, how else is he supposed to explain the words staring up at him from thick paper, complete with the world's fanciest letterhead.

_Hortense L. Mitchell,_

_We are pleased to inform you that because of your recent extracurricular activities with the musical group known as _Big Time Rush_, your academic prowess and desire to join the medical field has been brought to the attention of the board of directors here at Trinity University. After some serious discussion concerning your possible attendance here at Trinity, we are pleased to inform you that, by unanimous vote, we would consider you a welcome addition to our numbers. _

_We have many of the brightest and best minds of the age studying with us here at Trinity and, should you choose to accept this offer, you will receive a full scholarship towards the medical degree of your choice. This is a rare opportunity, Hortense. One the board hopes you will consider carefully. Enclosed are several brochures and packets that should answer most of your questions about the school itself and its many available medical degree programs. _

_If you have any further questions that cannot be answered with the information provided, or if you have any questions concerning the unique opportunity offered to you, please feel free to contact me at 011-44-555-1239._

_Sincerely,_

_Allyson M. Lynch  
>Head of the Board of Admission<br>Trinity University_

Logan rereads the letter again, still half certain that there has been some sort of mistake made. Because he's already had one once in a lifetime opportunity present itself to him in the form of being able to become famous with this three best friends. What are the odds that another one just literally drops into his lap? But then, how many Hortense L. Mitchells can there possibly be in the world? How many Hortenses can there possibly be for that matter? This really isn't a mistake. An unidentifiable feeling washes over him as he realizes this. This is for real. He is holding a metaphorical golden ticket to his ultimate dream.

And strangely, his first reaction is to try not to puke.

-0-

He's still staring at the letter, with the brochures and packets spread out on the couch around him, when the other boys get back from their time at the pool. They walk into 2J, all eager voices and laughter that trails off when they notice their genius best friend sitting on the orange couch and clutching a piece of paper like he might sink into the ground if he lets go. The other three boys share a quizzical glance before joining their friend, each one of them picking up a different brochure and studying it.

"So…" Kendall breaks the silence after a few moments. "What's all this?"

"Yeah," Carlos flips over a brochure he'd been looking at to read the name sprawled across the front. "What's _Trinity University_?"

Logan looks up as if he's just noticing his friends for the first time. "Oh, hey guys." His voice is quiet, subdued and all three of his friends glance at each other in concern because, while Logan is definitely not the most wild of the bunch (that title easily going to Carlos) he is also definitely not normally like _this. _"Tr-Trinity is a college. One of the top medical schools in the world, actually."

"Really?"

Logan nods. "Yeah." He holds out the letter and Kendall takes it, scanning its contents quickly. "They, um, they offered my a full scholarship towards any medical degree of my choosing."

"That's great!" James smiles brightly, because he knows that being a doctor has always been Logan's dream and it just seems fair that since Logan worked so hard to help him achieve his dream, that he should have a chance to pursue his own at the same time.

"Yeah…" Logan's tone is less than enthusiastic and James and Carlos' brows both furrow at the strangeness of it. Kendall just continues to stare at the letter in his hand until he finally realizes what seems so funny about it.

"Why is this lady's phone number so weird?" James and Carlos both lean over Kendall's shoulder to get a view of the odd amount of digits that make up the woman's phone number.

Logan's staring at his feet and Kendall wishes he would look up at him. He can't remember the last time his friend purposely avoided eye contact with any of them, especially him, and it makes the weird feeling that's been churning in his stomach for most of the day even worse. Except that, when Logan does finally look up, after several moments of silence, it just makes things worse because, for the first time in his life, the blonde boy can't read his friend's expression. That scares him a little.

"That's because," Logan shifts nervously in his seat and the churning in Kendall's stomach reaches a new level, "the school's in England."

The three best friends stare at him, eyes wide and looking like they might have panic attacks as Logan's words fully register. They all jump up, scattering paper everywhere and yelling in unison. "WHAT?"

-0-

Jennifer Knight enters her apartment to find Logan, pacing in the living room, on the phone, Carlos starring sullenly at a corndog, James next to him, half-heartedly fixing his hair in his mirror, and Kendall sitting on the couch looking like someone kicked his metaphorical puppy. Her first reaction is to be suspicious, but when Kendall looks up at her with something akin to defeat in his eyes, her reaction immediately jumps to worried and she has to fight the urge to make some snickerdoodles, as if that can fix all their problems.

"What is going on?" She mouths to her son, trying her best not to disturb the pacing boy during his rather tense conversation.

Kendall silently hands her a sheet of paper and she scans it over, taking in its contents and the address that is just visible underneath a fancy letterhead. _Oh_. This explains a lot. She hands the paper back to her only biological son, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze as he takes it from her. Than, she heads into the kitchen to make snickerdoodles, because even though they certainly won't solve this problem, they might make the bitter taste of waiting a little easier to bear for now.

-0-

Logan spends all afternoon on the phone with his mother, is uncharacteristically silent through dinner, and is back on the phone with his mother as soon as his plate is empty. He spends the rest of the evening on the phone with her and when he finally hangs up he doesn't look any less troubled or torn. He heads off to bed with a barely audible "good night" and it's not long before the other three boys do the same. Clearly, no one is in the mood to be energetic and _happy_ with something like this weighing over them.

Because even though it's ultimately Logan's decision and Logan's life, it's going to effect all _four_ of them. And they all know it.

Kendall closes the door of his and Logan's shared room quietly, afraid he might wake his sleeping best friend. He realizes he doesn't need to worry, however, because Logan is on his back, his eyes illuminated in the moonlight that is shinning through the window. He is clearly very much awake. Without really thinking about it, Kendall sheds his clothes, dons his pajamas, and climbs in to Logan's bed, curling up around the smaller boy.

Instinctively, Logan clings to him, seeking warmth, comfort, and the type of assurance that one can usually only find around Kendall Knight. Except Kendall's not feeling anything close to assured or confidant or like he's got even the slightest clue what do, so instead he clutches his friend closer, clinging to Logan the same way Logan is clinging to him.

"What are you going to do?" He asks finally, his voice hushed and scared, and Logan's only ever heard him sound like that once, when they were in sixth grade and Kendall had witnessed Logan's first asthma attack after a particularly brutal hockey practice.

"I don't know." Logan is terrible at decisions, especially _huge_ ones like this. "This, is something I've always wanted but I-" He breaks away, burying his head in Kendall's chest.

Kendall buries his head in the smaller boy's unusually fluffy hair, inhaling the scent that is uniquely his best friend. Logan doesn't need to finish his sentence, Kendall knows exactly what he means because there's nothing Kendall knows better than Logan. Kendall wants to cry because he _knows_ what's holding Logan back, _knows _why he's so torn when the choice should be so easy, _knows_ why Logan might possibly put his one dream, his real dream, on hold once again.

_I don't want to leave you guys._ His unfinished sentence hangs in the minuscule amount of space between them.

And Kendall _knows_ what he has to do.

-0-

Logan blinks in surprise at the phone that is shoved under his nose. He goes cross eyed as he attempts to look at it, before swatting it away and letting his vision return to normal. He looks up to see Kendall, hand that is clutching his phone still stretched out towards him, Carlos and James flank him on either side, their faces set in grim determination. "Guys…"

"No." Kendall's voice is thick with an emotion Logan can't quite identify as the blonde pushes the phone back towards him. "You know what you need to do."

Logan takes the phone, still looking unsure. "I don't know. What about all this?" He gestures around the apartment, but the other three know that he means so much more than that. He means L.A. and Big Time Rush and James' dream. And most importantly he means _them_.

James shakes his head. "Dude, you've worked your butt off to help me make my dreams come true."

"And this?" Carlos holds up the letter, now worn and crinkled from being handled so many times and by so many different people. "This is the once in a lifetime for you that coming out here was for James."

Kendall fixes him with a gaze that makes his face flush and his heart rate speed up, in a way that makes him sort of want to always be under that gaze. "And I think it's about time you got a chance to take your once in a lifetime rush at the net."

Logan's blinking back tears because he really does love _this_, love _them_, but he also really wants to be a doctor and help people, save lives, and make a difference in the world. And they're right, but it hurts and he hates that. Because they're his best friends, his whole world, and all he's ever really known since the third grade and he can't imagine doing something without them, going someplace they aren't allowed to go. It almost feels like betraying them. But they're all starring at him, determination in their eyes and he knows they won't change their minds about this.

But it does make the finger that's punching in Allyson M. Lynch's number feel just a little less like lead to know that he has his friends' permission. He doesn't need it, but they're so much like family, so much a part of him and who he is, that he's glad to have it all the same.

Kendall watches as Logan starts discussing his options with a woman who is on a completely different continent. He feels a sense of déjà vu, because this is eerily similar to the way Jo left him, literally flying right out of his life for another once in a lifetime opportunity. Except that this is so much worse because Jo was just a girl, a girl he really liked, but a girl nonetheless. And Logan…Logan is so much more than that. He's Kendall's very best friend, ever since third grade. Kendall's had to function without a lot of things, but he's never had to function without Logan and he's honestly not sure he even knows how. Losing Logan is going to be like losing his arm or his leg.

Or his heart.

-0-

Jennifer finds her son sitting alone on the balcony of their apartment. She offers him a snickerdoodle and smiles sadly as he takes one half-heartedly, not even bothering to pretend to eat it. "He said yes, huh?"

Kendall nods. "He leaves in a month." His voice is full of pain and her heart goes out to her son.

"Oh baby." She pulls him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly and pretending not to notice as he cries just a little bit into her shirt. "I know this is hard for you. For all of you. But try to remember that being a doctor is something Logan has always wanted to do. Ever since you guys met."

She can feel her son nod against her. "I know." He pulls back so that his voice isn't muffled by her embrace. "I always knew he was going to go off to college and become an amazing doctor. I just-" his voice catches and a few more tears slip down to his chin, "I never expected him to go to England."

Jennifer pulls the blonde back to her, returning to her previous action of rubbing soothing circles against his back. "Logan's my best friend." He tells her, his face turned so that he's not speaking into her shirt. "I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure how I feel except really, _really_ sad and like someone's punched me in the gut. Logan's been there for forever it feels like. And now-now-" his voice cracks again and he buries his face in him mother's shirt.

She strokes her son's hair, so fair and soft like he's father's. "Now it's like you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to put together a puzzle when one of the most important pieces is missing."

She feels him nod against her before he pulls back, swiping at his eyes and smiling slightly. "How do you always know what to say?"

Jennifer grins, remembering a similar conversation she'd had with Logan not too long ago. "I've read a few magazines. Also," she hesitates, not sure if she should finish her thought. But she knows it'll be worse for her son if he figures it out after his best friend is in another country. "It's how I felt right after your father died."

Kendall doesn't even look surprised by this admission and Jennifer wonders if maybe her son isn't as oblivious to his own feelings as she'd thought. He smiles, but it's small and tight, because honestly, the last thing he wants to do right now is smile. "Logan's not just my best friend, is he?"

Jennifer shakes her head. "No sweetie, I don't think he is." She stands up, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Just do whatever your heart tells you is right. And enjoy the time you have with him because you just can't be sure when you'll see him again."

Kendall knows she's thinking about his dad when she tells him this before slipping inside, presumably to check up on the others. He also knows that moving to England isn't anywhere near as permanent as death. But the ache in his chest is so strong that he has trouble just breathing around it and he can't help but feel like it _is_ just as permanent and maybe even worse. Because even though death means never getting to see Logan again, it also means never having to live with the knowledge that Logan will be out there, living his dream, _without _Kendall. And while that's still nothing compared to death and Kendall would never in a million years want to trade the two, he can't help but feel that, right in this moment, this is worse. And he thinks his mom knows that and that's why she didn't try to cheer him up with promises about seeing Logan during holidays and after he's done with school (med school takes like eight to ten years, Kendall thinks, and that breaks his heart even more). She doesn't tell him how things to fix it or make it seem like it's not a big deal. She just tells him how to make it just a little bit easier to handle. Because, that's honestly all she can do.

And even though she's no Logan Mitchell, Kendall kind of thinks she's a genius in her own way.

-0-

Logan's last month in L.A., in the United States, flies by all too quickly. Gustavo, when he learns of Logan's decision, offers to give the boys the entire month off, so they can just enjoy each others company, but none of them, especially Logan, want that. Some of their best memories come from being _Big Time Rush_, and all four friends want to enjoy it while it is still the same for as long as they can. Gustavo agrees and no one says anything when he gives them days off without even having to be asked.

And too soon for everyone's liking, Logan's last night at the Palm Woods is upon them. Everyone is down by the pool, the boys lounging on their favorite poolside chairs and trying to soak up every last minute of _together_ that they have. Everyone is there, including Logan's mother, who had flown to L.A. shortly after Logan had informed her of his decision, and Camille, who had been alternating between not speaking to Logan and throwing herself at him in hysterics since she'd learned the news. She's finally settled on just watching him with wide, watery, brown eyes, clearly too upset to say anything. They boys are too busy being wrapped up in each other and their own sadness to really notice it though.

Finally, just as people are starting to head back to their apartments for the evening, Kendall stands up, putting a boom box on the table next to his chair. Carlos and James join him. Logan looks up, too sad to even be properly surprised by his friends unexpected formation into their usual "we're about to dance and be awesome" stance. Carlos smiles sadly at his friend. "We're really going to miss you, buddy."

James nods from his position of Kendall's other side. "Yeah. But we're really proud of you for chasing your dreams like this."

Kendall looks up from between his two friends, hazel eyes meeting brown ones in an intense starring match that seems to make everything else around them fade away. "I-" he stops himself, apparently unable to finish what he was going to say. "You're my best friend. You're so important to me. To all of us." James and Carlos nod sadly at this. "And we don't ever want you to forget that."

Katie pops up beside the table and presses play on the boom box. Logan has to blink back tears as the beginning chords to _Worldwide_ float around them. James starts singing, his voice thick with emotion. Kendall and Carlos both join in at their respective parts. Logan is surprised to see Kendall sing the parts that are usually reserved for him. He can tell it's hard for all three boys to sing right now, all of their voices clogged with unshed tears. When they reach the chorus, Kendall replaces the world _girl_ with his nickname and Logan can't stop the tears that slip down his face.

And then Kendall looks at him and sings the last line, "_cuz you have my heart_" with such intensity that Logan actually forgets to breath. He launches himself out of his pool chair and into a group hug with the three greatest people in his life. They're all crying at this point and they don't care because England seems forever away and they all kind of feel like they're losing a piece of themselves.

_Logie, we'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide._

-0-

Logan is standing in front of the eight people who have come to mean the most to him. Even Gustavo and Kelly are there because, whether they all like it or not, they really have become like a family in the boys' time in L.A. His mom is in the lobby downstairs, making sure his luggage all gets into the taxicab that will take her and her son to LAX. She says it's because she wants to make sure nothing gets left behind, because shipping from the US to England is ridiculously expensive, but Logan knows better. She's giving him some time to say goodbye to his family from L.A.

Kelly is the first to hold her arms out to the brunette genius. He smiles, tears clinging to his lashes and walks into her embrace, returning it. "I'll miss you and your cute smile." She tells him.

"I'm going to miss you too." He tells her honestly. "You've been a real lifesaver." He glances at Gustavo, who's next to them, and smiles slightly. "Or at least a real sanity saver."

Kelly laughs lightly. "You guys are my favorite band that Gustavo's produced in a long time. I couldn't let him scare you off."

He hugs her once last time and then moves to Gustavo. The larger man looks as close to emotional as Logan as ever seen him. Logan sticks his hand out to shake, but Gustavo surprises them both by pulling him into a quick hug. "Take care of yourself dog." There's no bite in the nickname though, and Logan smiles because he knows just as well as everyone else that "dog" is really just Gustavo's pet name for the band. "I'll-I'll miss you." The last part sounds like it's incredibly painful for the producer to say and Logan appreciates the gesture immensely.

"I'll miss you too Gustavo. And thank you for the once in a lifetime opportunity. It's one of the best things I've ever gotten to do."

He moves to Katie next and the little girl wraps her arms so tightly around his waist that he almost can't breath. He's surprised to see that she's crying, he's never actually seen her cry before. "I'll miss you, big brother." She's never called him that before either and it makes his chest ache because this adorable little girl really is like a sister to him. He hugs her back tightly, trying not to cry too.

"I'll miss you too, baby sister." He knows that's generally Kendall's nickname for the short but spunky young girl, but this feels like the most appropriate and natural thing in the world to Logan and he knows Kendall doesn't mind.

Mama Knight is next and she hugs Logan as well. He smiles gratefully at the woman before him. "Thank you. For everything. You've been another mom to me ever since I moved to Minnesota. From the moment Kendall told you who I was, you accepted me into your family. And you've been the best "momager" ever. I can't thank you enough."

Jennifer squeezes his shoulders. "You're welcome. You really are like a son to me and it's been an honest to god joy to have you as part of this family." She pinches his cheeks for dramatic effect and to get him to smile, because even in the face of this overwhelming sadness, she's still a mom and it's still her job to make this even just a little bit easier.

He moves to James next and the taller pretty boy looks like his lucky comb has been snapped in half. He hugs Logan briefly before pulling the genius back and holding him at arm's length away so he can fix him with the most serious look Logan has ever seen grace he's friends features. "Be careful okay?" Logan nods. "Seriously," James insists, "London is like a better smelling New York City and you're-well, just be careful. We won't be there to protect you, you know."

Logan nods, swiping at his eyes. "I know. And I will."

James nods too and smiles slightly. "Good. And make sure you tell me if there's anyone there that's prettier than me. I have to keep tabs on my competition in the biz." He does his odd jazz hand thing that Logan has never really been able to label, but it's sad and everyone can tell the taller boy's heart just isn't into it. Logan can't help but grin at his friend.

"I promise."

Carlos is next and the smaller latino boy is pretty close to tears himself. "Good-luck in England, Logan." And then he takes his helmet off his head and sets it gently onto Logan's. "And take helmet with you. You know, to keep you safe since we won't be there."

Logan's throat closes up at the gesture, because he knows what the helmet means to Carlos and he knows how much it means for the other short boy to be giving it to him. They meet each other halfway in hug as Carlos cries and Logan savors the feeling of being surrounded by one of his best friends. After a few minutes James puts his hand on Carlos' shoulder, glancing at where Kendall is rocking back and forth on the balls of his heels. The latino follows his taller friend's gaze and realizes that it's time to let go. He steps back, patting the helmet on Logan's head twice. "For luck." He explains with a teary smile.

Logan nods, smiling back before turning to face the blonde who is last in line for goodbyes. Before he has time to speak, he's being pulled into an embrace so tight that he can literally feel the air escape him with a little squeak. He tries to be strong, but when he feels something wet drip off Kendall's chin and land on his collarbone, he breaks, crying and clinging to the back of Kendall's shirt like it's his only lifeline. When they finally pull back, Kendall tries to smile and fails miserably.

"I'm going to miss you, Logie."

Logan tries, with the same results, to smile back at his best friend. "I'm going to miss you too, Kendall." He chokes out, his emotional state causing his Texan accent to slip out just a bit, turning his friend's name into 'Kindle' for the first time in years.

And as Kendall stares into the brown eyes that he knows so well, knows better than anything else, he realizes that there's something he has to do. Because if he doesn't, he's going to regret it, probably for the rest of his life. He grabs Logan's face with both his hands and roughly presses his lips against the shorter boy's in a heated kiss.

It takes Logan about five seconds to process what's happening before he closes his eyes and surrenders himself to the warm feeling that's seeping in through the kiss and trickling down the rest of his body, making the ache in chest just a little bit easier to bear. Because, while he loves all his friends, he loves Kendall in a way that is completely different and ten times stronger. And he probably always has.

Katie lets out a whoop through her tears and Mama Knight hides a happy smile behind her hands as she watches the two boys. They don't see this, of course, too absorbed in their kiss and each other. They also miss Carlos and James high-fiving and Gustavo and Kelly doing their signature fist bump. Because, honestly, everyone saw this coming for miles and they're all just glad that neither boy waited until after it was too late to do something about it.

When they finally break apart for air, Kendall's hazel eyes hold the first hint of the old spark that seemed to have left them a month ago. "_You have my heart_." He sings softly, still cradling Logan's face.

Logan wraps his arms around his best friend one last time before the door opens and Joanna Mitchell sticks her head into the apartment. "Logan, sweetie?" She smiles sadly as she sees her son wrapped in the tall blonde's arms. "The taxicab is here, baby. It's time to go."

The genius steps back from Kendall, nodding and picking up the one small duffel bag that had been waiting off to the side for him. "Okay." He swipes at his eyes one last time and backs towards the door, waving sadly.

Everyone left in the room waves back until the door clicks shut and Logan is officially gone. There's silence and Kendall shuffles from foot to foot for a minute before finally turning on his heel and making his way to his bedroom. When everyone else here's the door shut with a soft click they all turn to face each other, eyes sad. "Wow," Carlos whispers, "he completely skipped lying face down on the couch."

James pats his friend on his shoulder. "Well this is bigger than something that can be fixed with a summertime single."

Gustavo walks up to the boys. "Take the rest of the week off. We can all meet back at the studio on Monday and figure out where we go from here."

Carlos and James both smile in appreciation at the man that has helped make their dreams come true. "Okay." They both nod.

With that the producer and his assistant leave the building and James strongly suspects that Gustavo is about to crank out a few new songs. None that _Big Time Rush_ will be able to sing any time soon though. Mama Knight hugs Katie to her tightly with one arm and offers the other one for James and Carlos. They both slip into her motherly embrace and they all take a few minutes to just give into the sadness before trying to rebuild a family that is suddenly one member short.

They all also diligently pretend they don't hear the sobbing that floats from the room that suddenly belongs to only _one_ boy.

-0-

Logan hates airports. He always has. They're so hectic and impersonal. And the chairs at the gates are always so uncomfortable. His mother had left him with a tearful goodbye at security and he'd been waiting at his gate for the past half an hour, trying unsuccessfully to take his mind off his sadness with one of his new textbooks for school. It's only with half-hearted interest that his eyes skim over the words and pictures in the book though. Instead of trying to focus on something his heart isn't really into, he pulls out the picture that Mama Knight had given him when he'd been finishing his packing the night before.

It's of the four of them; himself, Kendall, Carlos, and James at the pool shortly after the other three boys had finished serenading their fourth best friend with _Worldwide_. Logan is in the center of the group of boys. Kendall has Logan pulled flush against him, his arms around the shorter boy's waist. James and Carlos both have their arms wrapped around the two boys from the left and right, respectively. They're all trying to smile and if it weren't for the obviousness of their red-rimmed eyes, they might have actually pulled off a completely normal and happy picture. Katie is even in the corner, giving a peace sign with a smile that doesn't quite reach her intelligent eyes.

Logan looks at the faces of his friends, letting his gaze linger on Kendall's just a little bit longer. He feels like this picture pretty sums up his friendship with the three boys. All of them enveloping him with their warmth, love, and protection. The lines where one boy ends and another begins fuzzy and almost indistinguishable, as if they're really one person who just happens to have four different faces.

The flight attendant calls over the loud speaker that his flight is starting to board and Logan takes one last look at his friends before tucking the picture carefully into the textbook so it won't get bent or ripped. After a minute the flight attendant finally calls his boarding zone and Logan stands, gripping his ticket so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

-0-

It's been exactly twenty-six hours since Logan's flight left for England and Kendall has finally left his room. He's relocated himself to the couch where James and Carlos don't even bother trying to cheer him up. Neither of the other two boys are feeling particularly cheery either and if Kendall wants to lay face down on the couch, they're more than content to let him, because, honestly, they kind of want to be face down with him.

Even Mama Knight's snickerdoodles can't coax a smile onto their faces.

The door opens and then after a few seconds of shuffling, it closes again. None of the boys even bother to look up, knowing it's just Mama Knight and Katie returning from shopping for each of the boys favorite foods, determined to make them the greatest dinner they've ever had, to help distract them from their missing friend even if it's just for a few minutes. They know that normally she'd ask for help with the groceries and they're all secretly glad when this one time, she doesn't say anything. None of them really feel like they have the energy to keep breathing, let alone haul in groceries bags. Carlos does pick his head up slightly when he feels something being gently dropped onto his head. He lifts his hand and pats it listlessly, more out of habit than anything else. His eyes widen when he feels the smooth plastic of his helmet. He sits up straight and pats his head twice more, just to make sure he's not imagining things.

He leaps off the couch and spins around, catching James' attention and causing the taller boy to look up too. His jaw drops and he jumps up along side Carlos, his face breaking into a brilliant smile. "LOGAN!" Both boys cry out in happiness before tackling said brunette to the ground until they're just a giant mass of tangled limbs and laughter.

Kendall pushes himself off the couch at his friends' voices. He looks down at the dog pile on the floor, a clear expression of shock on his face. He rubs his eyes with the heel of his palm, certain that the boy in front of him must be a figment of his imagination. When he looks again, though, Logan is still there, smiling up at him shyly from where Carlos and James still have him wrapped in a hug. They stare at each other and Kendall breaths out his name like it's a wish or a prayer. James and Carlos share a smile before pulling Logan to his feet and shoving him gently into Kendall's arms.

The blonde boy catches Logan as he stumbles slightly, pulling him into a hug and burying his face in his best friend's hair. "Oh my god." He might be crying again, but he could care less because Logan is solid and warm against him and that's really all that matters. He releases the boy after a few minutes and sits him down on the couch, James and Carlos leaping up to sit next to them. None of them can seem to keep their hands off Logan and Logan's smiling so wide his cheeks hurt, but it's perfect and he wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

"W-what are you doing here?" Kendall asks breathlessly, his voice shaky, like he still can't believe Logan is there and real.

Logan shrugs casually, as if he's not supposed to be thousands of miles away doing everything he ever wanted to do. "I was sitting the airport and I realized that my once in a lifetime opportunity is right here, doing this music thing that I love with the three people I love the most."

"But-"

Logan shakes his head, cutting James off. "I've got the rest of my life to be doctor. We all know I'll breeze through med school." The boys laugh at this because, well, it's true. "But I've only got right now to be here. Doing this. With you. Plus," he grins, "there are plenty of really amazing med schools here in the states. A few of them are even in California."

He's tackled in another group hug and he laughs and enjoys the warmth of all his friends. He hadn't even been gone that long, but he'd missed this so much. There's not one regret lingering in the back of his mind. He can feel Kendall's arms, hot against him and tighter than either Carlos or James'. He is one hundred percent positive that he made the right decision. That he is exactly where he is supposed to be. He really does have plenty of time to for his chance to solo big time rush the medical school net, as Kendall had put it so long ago.

For now he just wants to concentrate on this game, with his teammates, his family.

-0-

The first thing Jennifer Knight notices when she returns with the groceries is that the atmosphere in the apartment is about a hundred times lighter than it was when she left. She's got two big groceries bags in front of her face, so she can't see what has managed to pull the three boys out of their slump, but she's glad they found something.

"LOGAN!" Katie shrieks, very uncharacteristically.

Jennifer sets the bags down just in time to watch her daughter launch herself onto the lap of a very amused looking Logan. He hugs the young girl. "Hey baby sister."

Well, _that_ definitely explains the light mood. Jennifer makes her way over to the couch, smiling at the sight of the four very happy boys and Katie. "Logan." She leans over and hugs the boy lightly. "I have to admit, I didn't expect to see you so soon."

Logan grins guiltily up at her. "I didn't go."

"Obviously." She grins, because she can't deny that she's also thrilled to see her little family together. "Why not?"

"It was an amazing opportunity." he admits. "But not as amazing as the opportunity that's waiting for me here. And I realized that I didn't really want to be in England. So," he grabs Kendall's hand, intertwining their fingers and makes a point to look directly at James and Carlos when he speaks, "I came home."

She watches as all four boys beam at each other. "Well," she tells him as she makes her way back to the kitchen to unpack the groceries, "I'm really glad your home."

"Me too mom." Kendall says, leaning over to kiss the brunette of the top of the head gently. "Me too."

-0-

That night Kendall climbs into bed with Logan once again, and sighs happily as the smaller boy snuggles up against him. He draws lazy circles against the other boy's shoulder and wonders if it's normal to feel like he swallowed the sun. Because there's a warmth in his chest that he's certain Logan, and everyone else within a fifty-mile radius, can feel. It's all silence and gentle caresses for a while before Kendall leans down and kisses Logan softly.

The kiss quickly turn urgent, years of neglected and deflected emotions surfacing and racing along fingertips that dip in and out of the smooth crevices of skin as the boys explore each other. Logan moans into the kiss; there's teeth clashing and tongues wrestling and it's the _best damn thing_ Kendall as ever felt in his life. That missing puzzle piece his mother had told him about a month ago slides into place and the picture is finally clear. It's him and Logan, it's always been him and Logan, smiling at each other, but the missing piece snaps into place and now Logan's eyes are shinning with the same love that Kendall's always have been.

It's a perfect picture.

Kendall breaks the kiss eventually, and both boys are breathing heavily. He smiles at the genius who has ended up beneath him, brushing his bangs back slightly. "I hate to sound selfish," he says after he manages to get his breathing under control, "but I'm really glad that you gave up that dream."

Logan smiles gently. "I didn't give it up. I just traded it in for a different one."

"Oh?" Kendall's eyebrow arches up and he can't help the way he breathes out his next question, like the answer is going to be everything he's ever wanted to hear and more. "And what's that?"

"You. This." He gestures between them and around them, to all of the wonderful things and dreams that both boys have found in L.A. "Us."

And Kendall knows that when he says _us_, Logan is referring both to the two of them and to the _us_ that is bigger than just the two boys. To the _us_ that is comprised of Kendall, Logan, James, and Carlos. To the _us _that all four of them have been since the day the other three saved Logan from some bullies in third grade and he'd repaid them by doing their homework. To the _us_ that had helped them overcome the horrors of Hollywood and reach a dream that had been mostly James' dream, but had slowly become all of theirs.

So Kendall leans down and when he whispers huskily into Logan's ear, before continuing to kiss the boy senseless, he's referring to that same _us_ and to the us that the two of them were quickly becoming, and had always been, on some level, and to everything in between.

"Here's to us."

* * *

><p>Well, here it is. Fifteen pages and 7000 words later, my short little shot has spiraled out of my controlled. But hopefully it was worth it. This is pretty different from what I usually write. I have attempted angst in a long time and I don't think I've ever written something quite like this before.<p>

Send me a review and let me know what you think. They make my day, and I'm honestly curious to know how you guys think I did at trying to capture the essence of both the Kogan romance, the OT4 bromance, and the general interactions of everyone.


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